Communicado Fri, 10 Nov 2006
As I sit here in the hotel with the sweet sound of urination in the room above me I am thinking of communication. Those of you who know me best know that I am not one to keep the lips sealed. In fact at times some might have thought a little of the super glue was in order to keep my trap shut. Sadly the needed strength has yet to reach the shelves. In these five months I have experienced some of my deepest frustrations related to this issue. I am one who not only wants to be able to communicate myself to others but also to explore the depths of all in range. My life is rich because I choose to try in all of my relationships to gain real and deep levels of intimacy as opposed to only scratching the surface. I am passionate to discover the joys, the desires, the pains, the humor, the hopes, the quirks, the giftings, the fears, the loves that dwell within each of us. What is life but to know and to be known? I know not. The desire of our creator and the desire that drives my life.
What is it like for one such as me to have to communicate through a middle man or not at all? In a word or two it is feckin (not to be confused with its vulgar counterpart) and oft overwhelmingly debilitating. I have been humbled in a way that I could not otherwise be by these experiences. Most especially here in Turkey I find myself passionately desiring to communicate but the barriers of language make levels of such impossible. When I meet someone new normally one of my hosts tells that person in brief who I am, what I am doing in Turkey, what kind of work I do. Pertinent information certainly but had I the chance to cut loose there is so much more I could say and so much I would long to know. I am oft in group situations where I can only sit and listen. The language and the communication shared brings intimacy, brings laughter, brings empathy but for me it is merely sound. The other day I felt like a child in the early years who cannot yet understand the world around him/her. I gained an incredible admiration for the development and acquisition of language in a young human being. To learn to speak. To learn to recognize sounds as language. Acquisitions we take for granted but I can assure you that this poor sod is in awe of them as result of my struggles.
Once a depressed and angry teenager was I. I felt that in me was nothing of value or worth communicating. Felt that I had nothing to offer to the lives of others. In the last years my savior Jesus has taught me otherwise. He has taught me that within my heart lie elements of our infinite creator. Beautiful elements that together with those of others make up God's perfect character. I long to share myself with those around me and know that the gifts God has given me can and do affect the lives of others in incredible ways. In knowing the hearts of others I am in awe and I learn more of who God is. In these moments I am without my main tool in the development of intimacy which is language. Relationally speaking I am as a cripple and I am really feeling it.
In the midst of the struggle I am so glad of the experience of it. I have a new and a greater love for our creator's gift of intimacy. Only in the absence of something can you experience the incredible longing for its return. I understand more our creator's longing for intimacy with each of us. A longing for which he sent his son to show humanity who he is and how far he would go to restore that intimacy with us. We so often choose to put a million things ahead of our relationship with the one who formed us. Many spend their lives never seeking to know him in spite of that gift of his son. How deeply should one search to discover such a love as our creator has for us? The more that I know of him the more passionately I long to know. I am glad of an experience that reminds me of the precious nature of intimacy and how I should treasure it. Look out all of you in Phoenix. When I return next year with this renewed passion for intimacy expect me to be on all of you like white on rice, flies on shite, bodyhair on a Greek chap. Oh and for those who want an update I now hear grizzly bear style snores in the room above me.