Chasing Ideals

I hardly know where to begin trying to document over a month of activity especially as until my arrival here in Chicago I've had hardly a free moment. I attempted to prepare myself emotionally for a second departure from my family but I now know there is no preparation. The awareness that I may spend the rest of my days thousands of miles from some or all has in it no consolation. I leave there instead holding on to the priceless memories of time with each. I was there to watch Faolan take his first steps and overjoyed to hear him calling "kyer, kyer" to me from the next room and see his face light up as I run to him. Spending full days with Zaria holding her against me as she sleeps and whispering to her that she is loved. So many children enter this world with little hope of hearing those words and this uncle did not neglect the opportunity to utter them copious times. I will remember Tara waking me up in the morning with Faolan in her arms for a day-starting-chat while Faolan crawls around with exploratory euphoria. For some immediate morning chats might sound like a nightmare but for yours truly it is a honey and scones and unicycles dream. I am so grateful for the times that all of my family came together with little organization as for some to meet with one other person can take weeks of planning. To have us all together especially as our numbers continue to grow is a gift and one that we often take for granted. We forget that for millions of families time together is either to be dreaded or something that cannot be expected. There is much else that I will hold in my heart and treasure from my time on this visit but as is so often the case unless I write about something close to its happening I am unable to write about something in a way that is meaningful later. I will say that two weeks before my departure I wanted desperately to stay longer as I felt the time had passed much too quickly. More time, I thought, would make the goodbyes easier. The quoted costs to change my flights made this a non-possibility however so there was no putting off the reality of another "Adios" and "Adieu."

The most difficult aspect of my visit from an emotional standpoint was the reminder that the pace of modern lifestyle here is always to the detriment of relationships. People take relationships for granted because this world has them chasing after so many other things. I was run ragged in my last week in Phoenix trying to visit and see everyone. I started asking why people cannot feel the urgency to have time with someone before the opportunity is about to run out. We can so easily get used to someone being around and then when they are gone we wonder why we didn't spend the time when we still could. It just angers me that we've allowed ourselves to be convinced to chase a thousand temporary satisfactions rather than fully invest in relationships with the people around us. Late last week I attended concerts two straight nights and realized after that I needed such activity to escape the pressure I felt to chase after people to spend time with me before I went. Quality time with others is the only thing I really now crave and to have been robbed of that in the earlier weeks when I had more time became too much. Just to go and be entertained by live music was about all the energy I could muster. I left Phoenix exhausted physically and emotionally and appreciate now in Chicago to be more relaxed though I continue to visit my more distant relatives here. I don't want any to think that takes away from the tremendous joy I experienced in the moments and intimacy of my time home but it was the reality that left me tired enough to sleep on the plane coming here to Chicago (something I can almost never do).

The new albums on Lovable Quirks are a little out of order. The fourth one down is pictures from last Saturday's going away party for me. We were all together at Tara's for one last hoorah that meant the world to this weary fellow on that day. I cannot expect that such a gathering will be possible for some time and in those hours I could not have asked for more. On up are various albums of fam and friends and in those top two pictures of me with my precious nieces and nephews. More is to come soon I hope to share about my time here in Chicago and perhaps more from time in Phoenix.