Chasing Ideals

I want to take a break from Brazil for this one and tell something of my time in Phoenix. Might as well start from the top. The joyous first reunion with family. The tears, wailing mothers, flashing cameras, nieces and nephews racing to welcome blessed uncle home. Thank God for the reality check. In that wondrous moment of exiting the airport security zone from the corner of my eye came the sight of the cheersquad. Big smiles, faces filled with longing, and of course the accompanying banner of bright colored welcome. In my interim it seemed, my relatives had become somewhat blonder and the group somewhat larger but nevermind the particulars. In a flash gone were the memories of my first return and the speedy pick up by the roadside. Oh what rapture! I strained to read the banner and saw with ecstasy the words ¨Welcome Home S____¨, the fool at banner´s end having crumpled the text. To see my name their in big print in glorious welcome. Warm´s the soul. Suddenly then the cheersquad erupted in cheers and the banner was quickly adjusted to reveal ¨Welcome Home Shane¨ for all the airport to see. Members of ¨his¨ cheersquad began clutching one another in unnatural ways. Tears began to pour over pudgy cheeks and younsters of many sizes and shapes were let loose to race toward their hero. From the corner of another eye (I have a few) I then noticed a familiar sight. Partially hidden behind a pole the forms of my brother and sister. Brother standing in a pose that would do Elton John proud and sister looking forlorn and lethargic. The two did not adjust their position so with much haste I scurried through Shane´s cheersquad in all its revelry, soiled faces, and continued unnatural clutching. Certainly I understand the whys. My year abroad hardly a blip compared with Shane´s weekend in the Bahamas to study his long division. Who knows welcome better than family. I bleedin´ ask ya´.

If that is not fun to write I do not know what is. This next bit perhaps a little less. Regrets. Longings of yet another time passed where I must say the word ¨goodbye¨. Where were its highlights? Certainly new birth tops them all. The birth of my sister Tara´s second child Alilee-Kate and the opportunity of this proud and grateful uncle to witness her arrival into this world. I shall never forget that moment when I saw the form of my beautiful little niece as she emerged into this world. In the midst of speaking ¨Keep going Tara, she´s almost there¨ I choked back such tears of joy as would overwhelm the heart with gladness. But the time for overwhelming emotion had yet to arrive as my help was needed and with all of my will I had to maintain my composure for my sister. A moment later out Kate came and moaned her sweet and miraculous first breaths of life but as is my nature I maintained my strength for my sister, for this baby, and for this situation of new life. Again when I was asked only a moment later to collect some necessaries for this early moment of life I nearly collapsed when alone upstairs from the emotion that was so heavy. But I could not for surely the sitution still demanded me. So weak kneed and with eyes full with tears I ¨pulled myself together¨ and raced back with what I had been asked to get. I have never cried those tears. Never let those joyful emotions come from a heart that longs to let them out. The time will come but can you believe this Irish heart has held them now more than a month. This is not only a remembrance of incredible joy but of realization and regret that my temperment can rob from me the purity of experiencing emotion in the midst of the situation which called it forth.

I must finish now but this story is not. More to come.