Chasing Ideals

Time for a continuation on the home front. Stories of the Goose et. al. and their adventures. From heavy shocks in heavy boots to hammering nails with axe blades to the springing of leaks in the pool of death and many more these are a few of the stories of how a house is built. Jurek (man of large moustache fame) has been the brunt of a number of life altering possibilities. He is quite often covered from head to toe with sawdust, each grain having attempted the destruction of the fellow's eyeballs. I remember once offering the fellow googles as he stood behind the table saw with squinted eyes and barbarically sharp pieces of tree heading his way only to have him report "No thanks" and continue on. Courageous stuff my dear friends. The most memorable of his near deaths was that of the heavy shock. In the final stage of the building of the foundation we found ourselves in the early morning with a non working cement mixer. A village chap was summoned to assist who was no electrician but wore a white vest and shorts and therefore assumedly looked the part. He quickly set to work fiddling with knobs and colorful wires as we all looked on astounded and eventually surmised the source of our troubles. When he got to the last checks down at the machine and found no troubles he fired up the beast. Jurek in little boots was the first to discover (in the rain mind you) that the entire mixer was charged. He touched one corner of the beast and jumped from the shock. Our pseudo-electrician touched in his huge rubber boots and felt nothing probably then assuming that Jurek had a few screws loose. Jurek, in a moment of brilliance, touched the charged machine and grabbed pseudo-electricians hand and the big fellow in big rubber boots jumped and let out a yelp. This was all the convincing our man need to set to work again trying to repair the thing and eventually doing so.

Another of these glorious days me and the lads headed pool side (pool of death that is) and discovered a rapid loss of our precious flora and fauna killing acids. The pool has become something of a landmark in that its depths are the most popular wetting spot for frogs and mice and bugs of all type. Not a day passes without further floaters emerging. Well when the leak was realized we set to work with a rapidity not seen before or since. Buckets were pulled from all nooks and crannies and quickly filled with the precious juices in an attempt to save what was left of it. Then the mice and frogs who had made this spot their grave were removed and placed on the road as an obstacle course for willing motorists (sadly this part was not accomplished but makes for quite an idea). The hole of the pool was then widened and this action has resulted in new opportunities for all chaps involved to lose their manhood when lowering beams requires standing on both sides of the pool simultaneously. With black tape then the holes were patched first with Wiesiek's haphazard attempts and then with the eyes of the hawk gaze of yours truly. When patched the tarps were again laid inside our pool and the poisons were returned forthwith.

Each day now my time is limited and my energy also so posts may be of the shorter variety. I shall attempt to present more in future of our tiresome yet experience filled adventures.

Ode to the back breaking work and the scarcely clad chaps who join me on this current venture. In these last weeks I have developed muscle on top of muscle (considering my initial state of being scrawny sue it can be difficult to note the change from a distance of more than a metre though I assure all 'tis there and 'tis menacing), a Carribean tan that any berry plucking islander would blush at, a repetative and exceedingly brutal number of hand injuries (the latest while cutting bread with blunt knife and nearly hacking off my left index finger and previous beauty sustained by snapping a hand saw and having the blade glide elegantly under one of my finger nails), and according to Floyd in Arizona my natural sweater continues to bloom on chest and midsection (when the back begins to sprout I will have to consider extreme action). Hopefully you faithful few have taken a look at the new pictures and seen the incredible (what a crock) progression that we sorry sods have made. My and other's expectation of a few weeks minimal labor followed by stiff round of drinks in celebration of standing wood has been replaced with notions of continued hard labor come winter with children dancing merrily about snowman while we sooth frostbitten lips and bolloxes.

One seeing the pictures should be aware of all of the punters involved. Myself (hopefully), Wiesiek, and Jonathon should be recognizable (in my new state perhaps I not) but then there are the now infamous others. The young chap taking part in the digging of a large hole (which contrary to what my genius youngest sister suggested is not the foundation for the house but a sheep-dip/acidic pool of danger and death to kill bugs in the wood) early on in the pictures is a lad from the nearby village who was summoned to lend a forearm. The chap pictured later on with exceedingly large moustache that woodland creatures could nest in and leathery tan from years of sun use and abuse is Wiesek's older brother. Even nearer the end fellow without facial hair and wearing blue cover-alls is our replacement carpenter while "el jefe" is away. Chap pictured in the head gear of a Nepalese goat herder is Marcin, a friend of the fam who was staying here for the last week with his wife Ania. He didn't help much with the home itself but lended his wood carving talent to the construction of two marvelous plaques to adorn the main house and previous guest apartment and he also butchered all plant life within a half mile radius with Wiesiek's weed-wacker. Last but most certainly not least is "el jefe" himself, the man with the plan, Pan Gonska our carpenter extraordinaire. He is pictured with glasses and blue/grey shirt in many of the intimate shots. Please enjoy this picture: http://www.lovablequirks.org/photos/photo.pl/Moe's%20Builders%20Inc/img_6024.jpg as a symbol of our taskmaster's fervor. His name written above translated to English is Mister Little Goose. He has taken part in the building of all Stebnicki (Wiesiek's family name) structures and no less in this case. He raised us each and all from the ashes of not knowing what the hell to do and spending our days constructing sheep dip and pulling large nails from planks of wood while grunting to now becoming a lean mean carpentarial machine and I myself learning an extensive Polish carpenter's vocabulary. From nailing and grunting to now the construction of walls and the creation of finely cut and chisseled wood, our goose is at the helm. I of course have never made a joke of his name, would never even consider such a barbaric action. Codswallop, I have come to refer to him always as goose; spoke openly in English of course so few understand of our goose being cooked, plucked, whatever else; and gotten everyone, in Polish or English, refering to the slim wood pieces used to connect the larger beams as our Goose-feathers as their name in Polish is feather. So there is the run down of our fantastic crew of wood specialists and those others who are a long way from knowing the first thing about it.

That's enough for today. The work beckons and the summer is running out of steam so all energy is necessary toward rapid progression.

I have wanted for days to spill the proverbial beans, to wax eloquently about day to day life here in the land of the suspicious kielbasa. Eight weeks of full time work however have scattered my brains and exhausted me as only a legless gobshite climbing Kilmanjaro could relate to. As soon as energy returns at least at the level of my being able to write the ridiculous verbiage of which I am accustomed I shall post once again. Hold on to your necessary unmentionables until that time and take a look a the new pictures up of the bowel bashing work to be done.

Me and the lads(Wiesiek and young boyos) decided to head off on the weekend for a wet and wild experience. How fitting those words turned out to be. An hour and a half's drive from here there is a picturesque little village called Rekovnica with river, lake and forest accessories for all to enjoy. Wiesiek (or V-8 juice as my father calls him) used to spend his summers in this village as a nipper and knows the locals the way I know the soggy end of a pre-cooked loaf. We arrived in the quaint Rekovnica late Saturday with enough supply for a month or single night depending on your nationality. A drive through the bustling village (six or seven houses as the crow flies) and a few stops in order to utter grunts at the known locals and we arrived at our destinado (sounds smooth eh). A large farmhouse 'twas, where Wiesiek had oft spent his youthful summers no doubt picking daisies and belting out ol' Polish folk tunes with gusto. The inhabiting family were old chums and so the chat came in breathless and extended duration and was topped off with much toothless grinning and offers of straight-from-the-cow milk. The fam said of course we could pitch our fabric-and-pegs on their plot by the lake and so we were off with the young farmer leading the charge. Down grass roads and through fences we went to our mag spot where we were shown wood and swimming bay and offered a small boat for some on lake adventure.

Within a few of the best our tent was up and the lot of us gathered wood for a gargantuan fire. That first eve was spent swilling down soup and such before retiring to beddy-byes with Wiesieck and I sleeping in the car leaving the four young lads to their history of extreme flatulence in the tent. Late the next morn, after intense stretching to offset the affect of sleeping on car seats, hours of gorgeful eating again commenced about the fire. 'Twas early afternoon before any alternate activity was attempted and those included cutting wood to make bows and arrows, running briskly through the nearby cornfields, and capping it off with a short swim in the lake. For myself 'twas a chance to relive the beauty of my countryside childhood and the freedom and activity of such existence. I have not oft thought of it but know that this is one reason for the joy in my dwelling in this place that my heart has always been for the country and the exploration of open space.

We returned to our fire and further gorging before I was invited by Tymek to a lake venture aboard our host's boat. In two of the days earlier ventures this boat had proved to be more than a bit shaky but we were undeterred and after trudging through the customary sludge we were off with only a mild amount of whiplash causing near falls. A swift adjustment was made in putting me at the oars after our realization that me in the back meant rapid capsizement. I was forced to row backwards as my tree length legs allowed for no other way and all the while Tymek behind me informed me that we were taking on water though I saw no evidence and was attempting only to stabalize our vessel amidst repeated major shadows of capsizement. With the grace of a sailing rhinoceros I attempted the chase of a group of swans only to have nautical disaster strike myself and my companion. Within short distance of the swans a minimal movement of my legs and the oars caused an extreme shift of the boat and Tymek and I found ourselves being hurled out. As my head flew swiftly toward water I heard behind me "I knew this would happen" and then the plunge came. The boat somehow swallowed a major gulp of the blue-green wobbly stuff and began a rapid descent. I attempted to hold it to prevent its heading for bottom but the weight was beyond these twig limbs. I turned to find Tymek holding the boat's floating seat and the oars strewn some distance away. Moments later the laughter came for the sheer absurdity of being shipwrecked amidst small lake with nearby swans gazing on and young fellow next to me clinging vigorously to a floating seat. Realizing the boats ownership I made two futile attempts at recovery only to discover shite colored water, five meter depth, and complete lack of boat. I then told Tymek I would swim ashore for help to haul out our vessel but after swimming half the distance in my wet t-shirt I was knackered and simply called out from there to our on shore companions. Wiesieck called back that there was no way we could haul it out from that depth so back I swam to little Tymek on his makeshift dingy. Together we swam to the lakeside, me with the oars and he with seat, laughing all the way and me nearly drowning in weariness from the laughter. We then trudged again through two foot deep sludge by the shore side all the way around to our camp. Nearing the end the sludge was so thick and wearying to traverse but we had remembrances of the mention of leeches and it was as if I took a cattle prod swiftly from behind as I attempted running the last of the way. Ashore amidst further chuckling we worried of telling our hosts but when all was packed and we returned to them 'twas no more issue than paying most of its cost and leaving that ground with an experience to tell to the future outpouring of our loins (sorry for that).

One last adventure on our path home was the decision to view spectacular pasture and valley near the home of a previous host of the lads. We awed at the valley only to at one point end up tire deep in soggiest muck. It took excessive pushing, excessive use of straw about the tires, and a few long and drawn-outs directed to heaven before me and the young lads could get the tires out from their respective mud dwellings. Not in the least a loss however as the journey out was capped with the rapid slamming on of the brakes for the sake of a fine collection of ripe nuts. 'Twas like the days of my youth picking ripe nuts from their berches and wild apples of the extremely sour variety. Just one of those juicy apples was enough to give David's face the imploded look for a lengthy period. Pockets and shirts full of nuts later we were off homeward back to the grind of building the new structure by what are now ancient means.

Take a look at the pics up from our weekend away. Hopefully future posts will not be so long in coming but I know that I have said that before.

I have just a quickie to throw out for the punters. Today was the day to hoist the corner beams that will provide structure to the new guest house on the property. Yours truly was given the task of carving out the hole in the wood for the insertion of one of those beams. I was gung ho for the task of hacking and chopping away to prepare the spot with my chisel and axe/hammer for the job. In a wild and brilliant stroke of genius I first used the axe end to loosen up the wood for chipping away and then proceeded to forget this move and return to hammering with the axe in the same position. Four years of college and oh what a quantity of brainwaves I tell you, thank goodness for those years of well spent educational funding. If 'twas not for a split second realization of my mistake the axe headed would very likely have hacked my thumb clean off but as I realized the error I slowed my pace and only cut into my thumb and index finger instead of removing the two beauties. Just wanted to fill all in on the wonders of my expertise in all manner of carpentry and other manly exploits that involve hammers and smoothed bits of wood.

Based on the meagre number of comments I shall assume that the adoring fans of my literary expertise have survived without a regular dose. In the last weeks I have been living something close to regular life and have not had the time or energy to pen these words. I have returned now to my home away from my home which is no longer home (quite a mouthful). In simpler terms I've spent the last glorious days again in Bojano surrounded in the life and energy that this environment always brings. In Warsaw I had the opportunity to tell of my journey- to tell of the reasons why, what I have learned, how I have grown, whom I have met- and I was overwhelmed by the intensity and depth of this chase after ideals(encapsulated entirely in a chase after and with my wondrous Savior). When I set out last June I had little if any concrete plan in mind and a year later I am saturated with experience of full adventerous growing changing adapting fulfilling relational spriritual marvelous life. When I even begin to tell another of the wonders of this year my heart and mind they are flooded with remembrances of all that has happened and for the rest of my life I will tell stories of these days and relationships gained shall forever occupy a space within my heart. I have learned to trust, follow after, communicate with, be enraptured by, rest upon and passionately love my Savior to so much greater extent because I sacrificed comfort and conformity for life's fullest in his care. I have learned to value moments of relationship as though weighted with gold for in this year I have uttered goodbye to so many whom I might have longed to forever remain in the company of. As you have read, of late my heart has longed for an end to ceaseless journeying. Has desired a place to once again call home and consistent friendships, community to build a foundation upon. The mere mention or ponderance of the future, of family, of marriage, of community, of home makes my heart leap for joy and I see that no longer will the nomadic life be the lifestyle of preparation for that. I don't know yet that my place is found though I know that it discovery is near at hand and if it be that it might be built in the company of such as in these last days I have spent my time then I will be an entirely blessed chap.

These last days were occupied in friendship first in Warsaw with a family there that cares deeply for me and whose care urges me all the time to know this language so that I might more deeply know those people. I returned here to Bojano with them and had two marvelous days in the company of Kasia whom few may remember as the missionary to Guatemala that I met here in Poland last July and who introduced me to Nancy and Wiesieck here in Bojano. She was here in Poland only a short time and it was wonderful to have hours to chat with the friend who meant so much unknowlingly in all that has taken place for me in this country. With the kids of course there have been many games, much laughing, opportunities to feel the freedom and joy of childlike wonder, chances to read to them books of my childhood in crazy silly goobledegook accents, and in the morning lay with them and know that God's treasures are at my side. Two days ago I finally met the eldest son Jonathon who has had a year of his own travel that included meeting my fam a few months ago. We haven't had much time together as of yet but I am looking forward to the opportunity. Ironically now at a time when my heart yearns for a place to call home, for perhaps a house wrought of my own hand and labor; I work together with Wiesieck to build another structure for housing guests on the property. We build a wood house using old methods and this irony is an experience which this idealist is excited by as it inspires the work I wish to do in the future for my own stead. Speaking of such I had the opportunity a week ago to survey the for-sale land of Kasia's father and what an awe inspiring spot. Within short distance of one of Poland's largest cities this spot occupied a peace and tranquility that was unbelievable. Its soil teemed with life and the river and springs of water were heading inspirations to this fellow of all that I could do with such a plot. I don't know yet that such a treasure would be feasable for me to consider purchasing but whatever about that the environment and the life of it had me tickled with wonder.

I realize that this post may be slightly out of the ordinary as it touched life in a very general sense. I feel as though focusing of too many specifics would only bore. Take a gander at the three new albums I added to Lovable Quirks. In the "Summer Days in Bojano" album right after the picture of the duckling are pictures of the land that I saw and was awed by and just after that is a picture together with Kasia and her family. Some of you will recognize that family from last years pictures. I hope to update more often again now that I have gotten used to the wonderful frequency of relationship time here and recovered from lingering sickness (a cough and cold that played upon my weariness from constantly traveling).

Some of you who have had the disturbing pleasure to view the movie by that title may understand this post better. This was by no means the first movie I have seen of its type but this made an impact on me to watch more than others for some reason. In my heart I was very much disturbed by the awful awful (there's two for a reason) reality portrayed in this movie. Close to the end I decided that I had no desire to see the final portion as what I had seen already was so difficult to watch that I felt I needed no ending. The plot contains one man who is trying desperately to live as a Christian but has a severely warped view of how to do this. In the middle of the movie he kills a man and two children in a hit and run and his whole life and beliefs are shattered by the event. Another main character is the wife and mother of those killed and she turns to drugs and an extremely selfish existence to deal with her loss. She is later joined in a relationship with another character who is also as selfish a person as there is at least in my opinion. I left out some detail but realized in writing that some may now be on edge to view this movie. It was a movie that tried to display all of the horror of grief and selfishness and religion and death. I had to ask myself why I was viewing this movie, how could I possibly benefit from being exposed to such horror. I also realized that so many time in my life I have opened my mind to similar movies and allowed my mind to be seared by the awful realities of the movies and television I have viewed. In the past I have watched terrible violence and death in movies and video games and in the "news" and I have seen that no longer do my emotions even begin to react to what I am seeing.

I thought before I fell asleep that I must change this. For myself and for those I love I want to be like the father in "Life is Beautiful" who shielded his son from the horror of the Holocaust. He did not want his son to be scarred by the awful reality of the concentration camp and so he did all he could to hide it. I don't understand why we have a fascination in society today with exposing all of the gruesome aspects of life even to children who emotionally could not be ready for it. Why is it that we choose to expose ourselves to these things? could we name one benefit from it? I at least right now can see nothing of benefit, only harm and want to make great effort in the future to protect what is left of my emotional response to the harshness of this world.

Success is mine at last. I have finally added some new pictures to Lovable Quirks. The photos from Lithuania start with my time at the camp with the Brazilians and the trips we took to the surrounding area. The last few rows of photos are from my journeying out of Lithuania. The copious amount of cross pictures were taken at the "Hill of Crosses" located in the center of Lithuania. The crosses were placed to memorialize the deaths and imprisonments of thousands of Lithuanians in the last century. At one point the occupying Russians bulldozed the site during the communist years but it was slowly recreated by the people of the country. The last few pictures of that album are to give some small idea of the Lithuanian landscape. The majority is flat landscape dotted sparsely with old farmhouses and small villages. In the Krakow album I have one picture of Elzbieta by herself and another with her and her husband Damien. There may have been more but I was quickly aware that they had no desire to be photographed often.

The most recent album chronologically speaking is of my time here in Nowy Sanz and of the wonderful weekend I spend hiking in the Tatras. The first day at the Tatras, Sunday, myself and Marcin did about a six hour hike to the top of one of the peaks. I was surprised at my ability to do such a hike with ease despite how long it has been since I have done any serious hiking. I have chalked it up to the incredibly fresh air in the region and the 1/4 Polak blook flowing through the old veins. In the short time since my arrival last week Tuesday Marcin's English has improved by leaps and bounds and each day he remembers more and more that he learned in high school. The hike up gave us plenty of time to chat and made the journey seem altogether short. The following day, Monday, myself and Milka set out at about 8:30 and did not return until almost 8:30 in the evening. We did a much longer trek that included hiking along the tops of some of the larger mountains in the Polish Tatras. The hike along the tops was much more difficult partly because the whether during that part of our adventure was cold and raining. For most of that portion you must use chains and in some places ladders to be able to climb along. I was realizing in some of those moments that 12 years ago I probably would have soiled myself considering the height we were climbing at and the difficulty of some areas of the climb. I was never one for ladders and at one point in this climb was on a ladder with only a sheer drop beneath me. As a result of the weather we did not hike as far along the tops as we might have otherwise. We were both soaked with the rain and did not dry for some time on the hike down. Unfortunately until last night I did not recover from getting so soaked. The minimal quantity of body fat I have allowed the chill from the rain to seep to my bones and for the last two days I felt a chill constantly but all is well today. I had a lot of fun that day chatting to Milka. She is an English teacher and I decided I would test her knowledge of old English terms and some old fashioned slang terms. It was a good excuse for me to use as many big words as I could think of. I am not sure if she appreciated a full day of this but I think that at least portions of our conversations were interesting for her. I am really glad that they went with me to explore the mountains as they knew much more about the area than I and chose hikes that are free from the masses of tourists that frequent this area of Poland.

The weather here seems to have come to an abrubt change over the last four days. At least here in Poland I think that Autumn may have reared its head. It began with the last day at the Tatras where by evening we were seeing are breath and when we returned to Nowy Sanz that night it wasn't much warmer here. For the last days it has been raining consistently and the temperatures are much lower. Now that I'm feeling better I'm thinking that Saturday will probably signal my time to vamoose. I have had a wonderful time here being able to just relax and spend time with Marcin and Milka in a very beautiful part of Poland. Enjoy the pics. Love to all. Your world traveler and now hiking enthusiast (maybe not quite yet)

I cannot say too much in this regard as my time in Poland has been concentrated in only a few areas and with a limited number of people. That said, of those Polish women that I have had contact with in the areas I have explored I noticed a trend with all to be very perfectionistic. I have noted a pronounced shame when any mistakes are made in trying to commmunicate in English. This is always surprising for me because I am always impressed at the ability so many have to communicate well in English even ten years out from their study of the language. Also when I make the mistake of asking if she (the proverbial she) understood what I said in English I am greeted with an "Of course" and a look that signals a mistake in the asking. Additionaly, while this may be a cultural difference I have noticed that many times when I ask questions about their lives or decisions made it is taken immediately as a criticism. It may be that people in Poland don't ask questions as I do but I am suprised at how often I have to be reassuring in that it was meant merely as a question. I can only speak from the outside of things but it seems as if there is tremendous pressure on young women and older to perform and to be successful in all things. It may be that this pressure is just as strong for men but in my interactions with them I have not seen it nearly so strongly. Perhaps it is the result of a country trying to catch up to its western neighbors. In the face of progress it is easy for such pressure to become overwhelming for individuals trying to fit with this mode.

I had the unfortunate pleasure last Sunday to meet two chaps traveling through Poland and Eastern Europe on their holidays. Their two week venture was a blur of parties, alcohol consumption, and chasing after what loose women they could get their hands on. This was in no way the first time I had heard chaps tell me of such exploits but the difference here was that both were in their early thirties. It was also strange that both had mature ideas about their careers and were working in positions that they enjoyed as teachers. I don't know if in the past I met men of this age who were still chasing the teenage fantasy of the next big party. They boasted heavily of the degrading situations they had found themselves in along the way and how they relished finding further clubs and pubs in which to drink into a stupor and chase after much younger women. To my shame I pretended to seem interested in these things though I think I didn't do a convincing job as they were obviously suprised that I didn't think them my heroes after what they had done.

Upon happily leaving their company and the riveting conversation I thought about them and how so many people are chasing similar dreams though perhaps more socially acceptable ones. These two were chasing a lifestyle that will never satisfy and will keep them searching for the next alkohole (Polish word for liquor store) and the next willing women (remembrances of these two in the future may lead me to want to lock up my daughters out of fear of their paths crossing). Others chase after the next big house, car, athletic goal or a position on the never ending career ladder. All of these things when achieved provide merely temporary satisfaction before a new goal or material possession must be set before such a person as the prize. If I had this time with them again I would beg the question if any of what they had done in life had ever brought to them an ounce of contentment or fulfillment in this existence that lasted more then a brief moment. At least I hope I would beg that question though I must remember that I have been taught well by society to keep my mouth shut in such situations and pretend that I think it is really cool how they choose to spend their time. These societal rules need to be removed to the slop bucket as they only foster an inability in us to make any impact in the lives of those around us.

I have yet been unable to post any new pictures but hopefully in the next few days I can do so. I have since Tuesday been staying here in Nowy Sanz with Marcin, Milka, and their son Nicodem. You might remember that I met them in the first week staying with Nancy and Wiesieck. I had been invited in that time to come and stay with them and was looking forward to the chance to be here as it is a small town near the Tatra Mountains. Since my arrival I have spent most of my time relaxing and enjoying their company and the chance to once again feel at home in someone else's home. The Polish I think come from the same school as the Irish when it comes to hospitality and their welcoming of outsiders. After a difficult period in Krakow it is wonderful to just relax and enjoy a new place.

On Thursday I went to a nearby village with Milka and Nicodem and we walked for most of the day through the hills around that village. It was a beautiful area and air was as fresh as any in these lungs for quite some time. I have learned as well that on my journey I must balance my time in cities with plenty of time away from them otherwise each city begins to look the same and monuments in those cities become objects to check off having seen in my europe guide. This journey also wouldn't be nearly so meaningful without the many opportunities I have had to build real relationships with people and even if only for a short time to become a part of their lives and them mine. Tomorrow morning we will go together to a village near Zakopane and spend the next to days exploring the Tatras. I'm looking forward to doing some hiking especially in such a beautiful area as this. I was never one for hiking in Arizona because the landscape there did it for me the way that a root canal might. Here on the other hand I am surrounded with grass and trees and wild flowers and the hiking juices have emerged from the depths. I may or may not be able to post while there but if not I will add more before leaving here for Slovakia next week.

It has taken an unforgiveably long time to get this one up but I have certainly gained a more realistic outlook on the capacity for internet communication in Eastern Europe. Since the last posts I have been on my merry way from Krakow here to Nowy Sanz, a stone's throw from the Tatra Mountains and the Slovakian border. My lasts two days in Krakow were needless to say as eventful as all previous had been. On Monday as I had said I was to be picked up by Damien from the campground and taken to the mechanic's where my car would be waiting and I would ride off into the sunset. Unfortunately, when I arrived at the mechanic's my car was lifted eight feet off the ground and as yet not a scrap of work had been done other than a diagnosis of the problem. I had been assured Friday that whatever the problem was would be fixed immediately but apparently Monday they decided that I should be consulted first though the problem was as it was thought to be. At this point the whole affair was comedic so I was far from being upset by it.

A discussion then ensued about where I was to sleep as it was four in the afternoon and the work couldn't possibly be completed so late in the day. The garden was offered for me to pitch my tent though I would be without a toilet throughout the night which I figured I could handle barring any major bouts of eating or drinking. At some point in all of this a neighbor had joined the conversation and upon learning of my perdicament he offered his home for the night. I was again assured that the work would be completed in the morning and then was led off to the neighbor's home. His wife and son were away so he said it was no problem to have me sleep there. For dinner I was given a marvelous slab of tuna which he kept apologizing for saying it was poor quality. It was perhaps the finest tuna I have eaten so I tried to reassure him that I thought it marvelous. It should be made clear that though he spoke some English it was still a very limited conversation. He was a very friendly man and enjoyed trying to tell me about his wife and children. All evening we had short chats that ended with him saying he was off to bed and then returning to talk briefly again. I ate and slept well and early in the morning, he had to go to work, was escorted back to the mechanic's to wait until the work on my car would commence.

To make this story short the mechanics packed one hour of work into about six hours. The majority of the time was spent in the shop office smoking an incredible number of cigarettes and drinking the local ale. Intermittant calls were made to order parts that they needed but even this was done not all at one time but strategically seperated to spread out the work (judging from the number of cigarettes the frequent breaks may have been out of necessity) and still have my car completed in time for the end of their day (about 2pm). Sadly for me the price for the repairs hardly reflected this but I was at no readiness to argue price in Polish and was also just ready to have my car back and hit the road. They obviously overcharged me being well aware of my foreigness but I am happy in one thing that I was overcharged in zlotys and not in euros. Upon completion I headed straight away for Nowy Sanz. My time in Krakow, while being the most expensive stop thus far, was a joy of new relationships and an incredible reminder of the faithfulness of my Savior.

Before reading this post I ask that you read the many that I have put up since Friday as I would like for you to first know what has been happening. I write this because I want to be truthful with myself and with all of you about the difficulties in the journey that I have chosen. It is not an attempt to have you feel sorry for me but to express the reality of how I sometimes am feeling. In spite of the incredible times in Lithuania and the miraculous way that God rescued me in Krakow I did experience this week some of the most difficult emotions and questions I have yet faced.

I believe the beginning of this was my departure from the Brazilians. I said in an earlier post that I did not cry when I left them and this is related to a part of my personality in that I normally do not react to such situations in the moment. Though I began quickly to experience the loss of such amazing people and my time with them it usually takes some time for the emotion of such a situation to be released. I can remember other times in my life when this part of my personality is a wonderful thing because I rarely panic and lose control of myself in crisis situations. In the work I used to do it was a necessity that I be someone who maintained calmness when the people I worked with were suicidal, or incredibly angry, or incredibly scared. I could be a guide for them back to control and safety because of this. In my friendships I am one who rarely becomes angry or moody because I want to be someone with whom others know that they are safe and need not to ever walk on eggshells with.

I say those things to say that this week and the various occurrences overwhelmed my ability to control my emotions. The loss of so many new friends (family members now); being alone on the road when my car seemed to be falling apart; having a car accident and being afraid of what would happen; and at times in these situations asking myself if I really could hear from God and trust in him. These things, all at once it felt, did take their toll in my heart. By yesterday, Saturday, many times did I have to choke back tears simply from the pain of so many negative experiences. At each point God was faithful to me and he provided solutions at every step of the way but still there are times when life and our own choices throw a lot of negative things our way and we must find ways to release the pain inflicted in these times. I am not the only one making new choices in my life and choosing a new road and I and anyone else on this journey must learn to prepare for such times. I am so blessed that in the past years through my relationships with people and most importantly with my Savior I have learned that in these times I can and I must cry if needs be or share with someone what is happening. There is no other way in these times to be free of the negative emotion that builds up inside of us. When I was younger I held inside me such anguish and bitterness and it did literally eat at my life and my ability to live. I know that in this time I will soon feel stronger once again because I have allowed myself a good cry and have shared what is happening even through this post. God has provided all the solutions I need externally but I must in turn allow him to heal me inside or else I will carry these things and they are too heavy.

I hope that maybe for someone my sharing of these experiences might be an encouragement. Societies and Christianity today have sometimes tried to turn us into beings that do not allow ourselves to express what we feel. I have had to fight as a male and as a Christian to give up the "I'm fine" mask and instead learn what to do when situations do overwhelm me and hurt me. God is not afraid of our negative emotions and in fact is glad when we allow him to assist us in healing. Pretending to always be happy at work, at home, in Church does not glorify God and instead builds for us a cage of negative emotion that cannot be free from. Thank you all for your prayers for me as I continue on this journey chasing the ideal life with my Savior by my side. The road is not easy but the answer as always is God's perfect love, having made it possible that the pain of life can be released and we can be free.

Knowing that I would be traveling in Krakow I decided that I must make the trip to Auchwitz while in the area. I am not sure now what my reason was for wanting to make this trip except that the historical aspect of the place demands its recognition. Now having been there I think that I would not again make such a journey to this or any other place of its significance. In all of this don't think that I mock others for visiting such a place, these are merely my observances.

Upon arrival I was as usual slightly disturbed to see so many restaurants and souvenir shops surrounding a piece of history but that is another matter. Throughout my wanderings through the old barracks/death camp I found that I could not feel any of what had once occured there and was depicted in the many stark pictures. I was surrounded at each section by tourists like myself wearing nice clothes and holding expensive cameras and in a sense that reality made it impossible to for an instant comprehend the horror of this place I found myself in. I have grown up watching movies and playing video games that are constantly trying to out do one another in terms of violence and gore. To be in this place and see those pictures had little or no effect on my emotions partly because of the tourist atmosphere as I said and partly because these are images that I have exposed my memory to countless times since I was a teenager. It is a sad state but much of what once could shock my ears and eyes now has little or no effect upon me. I know that now I can literally watch people dying on television and my emotions no longer react to it. This is the honest truth of one who did not censor the violence that my mind could be exposed to. The one thing that I could comprehend is that if I for an instant had some awareness of God's heart when he experienced this time the pain in my heart would be more than I or any of his creations could bear. I asked of him how he could have been a witness to this time when evil was so rampant and I know that the only way was that his son was the catalyst for amazing acts of love and sacrifice through these horrible years. Acts that will be remebered into eternity when Nazism and the name Auchwitz are long forgotten.

I could rationalize taking only a few pictures because it seemed that none could capture even the slightest awareness of such a place. Again I don't want to mock but to see people posing before the gates of the camp or snapping pictures in every corner seemed something sick judging from the perspective of what occurred there. Later in the week I want to post one picture I took of a quote from Hitler on one of the walls. It was I think the most powerful that I read there and I will explain why when I can put it up. Another quote that demanded attention was one that abridged says that unless we remember the past we will repeat it. While I agree that there is immense value in history, I think that visiting Auchwitz for me had no benefit because the reality of the place is warped when filled with tourists snapping pictures and in my own life I have seen that only Christ can aid me in not repeating the mistakes of my past. Awareness of my mistakes of the past has never in the long term been a catalyst for real change in my life, only my desire to be more like the one who gave all that I might be free. The time that I spent at Auchwitz was no waste because of the questions that arose in that time however as I said I feel that there is no need in the future for a visit to such a place.

Lithuania was a wonderful little country to have spent time in. Unlike all others I have yet experienced there are large sections of the country with only a few villages and little of the industrial mess that other places can boast of. The land seems to be made up primarily of farmland and the country's population is packed into the few large cities and towns. After Poland the roads there turned out to be a joy to drive being well laid out and fairly empty of traffic. The youth camp itself turned out to be in a very remote area down about 5km of dirt road at a Franciscan chapel. The Church services and the activities for youth were suprisingly different from any Catholic activities I have witnessed in the past. There was much more openness for the youth to be challenged to live a real Christian life and to be passionate about Jesus in their prayers and their worship. The youth were really excited to learn Brazilian dance and at the end of the week they performed what they had learned very well. All week there was excitement around each dance practice and especially for the final performance.

I spent the majority of the first days of my time there watching the dance teaching; swimming in the cold lake next to the camp; teaching some English to the members of the team when I could; and enjoying meals at regularly scheduled intervals, a nice change from my camping alone. One of the days I took Carla and Maron to Palanga, a wonderful little city on the Baltic Coast. The day was hot, the water was freezing, but swim we did at a beautiful white sand beach. It was a marvelous little day trip and my only experience swimming at the coast in Lithuania. Near to weeks end I really wanted to have some time with the Youth and I asked God to give me more opportunities to chat with them. I had had brief chats but I wanted more than that being surrounded by so many children of the Creator (I like the way that sounds compared with "people" or "kids"). Well last Saturday I certainly had my chance. I spent about six hours that day playing basketball with them and learning different things about some of them; went swimming in the lake with six of the boys from the camp (we only swam for about 2 minutes because the water was frigid); and in the evening had good, deep chats with two chaps from the camp. I could tell that those who did meet me were glad to practice their English talking to a foreigner and have me share in their activities. I am constantly reminded why God is so passionate about relationships with us and relationships amonst us. The following day Sunday I was as worn as could be from six hours of basketball but would not have traded that chance to connect with so many of the Youth for anything.

Sunday is another day I should describe. The Brazilian team had been invited to perform at a Church in Klaipeda and I as their new mascot was of course to come along. The Church service went marvelously with many people being amazed at seeing the message of Christ presented in such a way by people from across the world. After the service many of the people had questions about the ministry of YWAM and expressed interest in the style of presenting the gospel. Afterwards the team and I were taken to Old Town Klaipeda for a jaunt around there and then off we went to lunch at a mall called the Acropolis. After lunch we all went ice skating at the rink in the center of the mall (all except Sylvana and Nikolas). I did enjoy sliding about despite my one great fall and a complete inability to figure out the Olympic technique by the end of 45 minutes. It was such a wonderful afternoon being together and with the pastor from the Church and his wife and another friend. Especially wonderful because Sunday was the birthday of Warlens and he hadn't expected much on that day given the distance from home and the expense of being on this trip for them. When we returned to the camp area that night some of the leaders for the camp had gotten a cake for Warlens and so all in all for him it was quite a full and wonderful day. One last tid-bit is that he and I went swimming in the lake at nine pm as it was a more pleasant alternative than showering at the camp (the shower water was as ice). The water in the lake was freezing but I felt so glad that I had gotten to share his birthday with him as in the week together he had become as my brother.

Last but surely not least on Monday, my final day, the Brazilians were free. The early part of the day was spent doing little or nothing which was marvelous but later I and the five non-leaders of the team piled into the Citroen in the rain and headed in to Palanga. We went to an internet cafe, walked around, and before heading back had the best hot chocolate I have tasted. Rather than some chocolate mixed with milk or water and heated this was pure chocolate melted down and steaming hot at arrival. It was marvelous. Upon returning to the camp we enjoyed dinner which included fresh goat cheese from the goats raised by the monks. Afterwards we sat inside one of the tents and played Phase 10 (a particular favorite now of myself and the rest of them) and then watched "About A Boy" before calling it a night. I could not have asked for a better last day with them. When I can I have some pics to put from this time but not today.

Tuesday then I left Lithuania and my new Brazilian family. We had a time together in the morning praying for one another before I set off and they went to perform in a nearby village. Tears were shed though on my end the Irish heritage kept the flood gates tightly closed. I have been summoned to join them someday in Brazil and I hope that that will be reality before too long. Maybe next year but who knows. Whenever it may occur, they will be sorely missed until that time and I will look forward to any contact with them. I am so so so happy that I chose to have that extra time with them in Lithuania, the perfect place for such a thing.

I have yet to say much about my time in Lithuania and this must be rectified. First I want to say a little more about the Brazilians. As I said before the team is coming from Youth With a Mission in Brazil on a five month missions trip. They spent time first in England, then in Germany doing evangelism during the World Cup, then Poland where I met up with them, now in Lithuania, and from there to Latvia and Russia. This has been a difficult trip for all of them not only in being so far from home but because of the expense of traveling to Europe from Brazil. It is by God's grace that they have been able to venture on such a journey and in Europe the response to their ministry has been wonderful. They have been involved with teaching dance and drama in different Churches as well as doing performances of dance and drama on the streets in many different towns and cities. Many people have never seen the style of dance they perform nor the way in which the gospel can be presented through dramas. I have seen their performance only four times but as a witness to it the message of Jesus is so clearly portrayed and the members of the team perform with a passion for Christ that people on the street or in Churches cannot ignore.

It has been such a privelege personally to become as a brother to some of the members of this team and to have had so much time with them on this journey. Some of the ways that they interacted with each other and with me are so very different culturally from Europeans like myself. For both the male and female members of the group there was much more openness with emotions and with sharing things from their hearts. For me to see the males crying during their time of prayer or on the day when we left Poland was unusual for me. It reminded me of the struggle in my life to allow myself to cry and to have to learn to be able to express almost every emotion other than anger. Seeing them allow themselves to cry never seemed as weakness to me but as a strength that I have only in the last years learned to possess. I never found them sitting together silently as there was always laughter and conversation among them. Many of the youth at the camp were obviously suprised and interested by way the Brazilians interacted with one another and the way that they were able to dance with passion and flare. I thoroughly enjoyed being a witness to and participant of this time. In a later post I would like to describe some of them with some details when I have my pictures developed this week. For now I will simply give each of their names. The leaders are Sylvana and Raudson and with them is their son Nikolas. The others are Maron, Juliana, Carla, Warlens and Marilia(that is not the right way to spell her name).

Well before bed I got to share a late meal with the man of the house. He spoke a few words of English though for the most part we got by nodding and waving our hands and saying "very good." I am so glad that I made some effort to communicate with him because as always it was wonderful to connect with someone new. When I first came back from the city I was planning to just go to bed because I did not no how I would communicate with him but in the end I could tell that he really enjoyed trying to speak with his foreign guest and having me try some different Polish foods. For me it was refreshing after such a day to share some relaxed time with him. I slept like a newborn after this and I think was the last one to wake in the house.

Elzbieta and Damien then arrived but, no huge suprise, the car was still not ready to go. It would be another two hours before completion of the body work and two hours beyond that before it could be towed to the next repair place. By the time we did head to station 2 the mechanic informed us (it is nice to use that word "us" in this situation as I truly was not alone because Damien and Elzbieta had become my new advocates) that the car could not be worked on until Monday as there was not enough time left in the day. There were definitely repeated tests of my ability to trust in God that all would be solved but he offered to me so much support in this time that I was no longer worried. We took the car and discussed with the mechanic what the problem was and how much it would cost to fix. I was more strongly assured at this point that they would have it done Monday and that the repairs would not be very expensive. Elzbieta and Damien had previously helped me find a campground where I could stay for the weekend and they took me there with what I would need for the weekend. This was necessary because today, Saturday, Elzbieta is heading to England to find work with the eventual plan that Damien will join her in a few months. This has been the reality for thousands of Polish people who have left home for Ireland or England in order to find jobs and better pay. I am so amazed at the help that they offered to me in this time when I was feeling so alone and was so unsure where I could turn for help. God so often brings our aid in ways that we could never and would never expect. One last bit of necessary information is that on Monday Damien is coming to pick me up in the afternoon to take me to pick up the car and at that point I will probably be heading to Nowy Sanz to visit friends that I made while in Gdansk. I am well set up now at the campground which is only four kilometers from the city center and Monday I will be looking forward to having my wheels again and the majority of my belongings.

This situation brought wonderful reminders to me of the faithfulness of my Father. Even at times when I feel so confused about where to turn in the strange lands that I find myself in, my Father now dwells inside my heart and he can and will lead me through all things. I have made more new friends out of the most unlikely of circumstances and am so blessed by the sacrifices that they made for my sake. Tomorrow I hope to add much more about what else has gone and about the weekend I have had here in Krakow. For now this is all my tired mind can spit out. Please keep me in your prayers that all will continue to go well and most importantly that I will trust my Father even when circumstances demand that I lose hope.

Ok, more of my little story. Upon arrival at the mechanic's place I was asked many more questions in Polish and to each had to give the same confused look. Eventually a girlfriend of someone there was called and she translated to me that this car shop would only be able to fix the broken headlight and damage to the body of the car. She also asked if I had a place to stay in Krakow or some connections. I did not have the foggiest what part of the city I was in so had no idea where I would stay that night. I said that I needed the car as soon as possible and was told that there was a good chance it could be fixed today. About twenty minutes later much to my relief another employee arrived with his wife Elzbieta and she spoke very good English. I explained to her what I knew was the problem with the hydraulic system and said that I would need my car to find any place to stay. Again I was assured that they would have the body work done that day and that they would help me find someplace to fix the hydraulic system. For at least the next three hours I sat chatting with Elzbieta about what had happened and about my travels. In that time the only work accomplished was the pulling out of the broken indicator. As you read this don't think that I am complaining about what happened but it did display to me the speed at which this kind of situation works in Poland. At one point a mechanic from a different shop came out and said that he could fix the car but would need at least a week to do it. From this and the word of other mechanics that they spoke to the earliest my car would be finished was the next day Friday.

As the body work was still far from complete Elzbieta and her husband said that they would take me for a look around Krakow and also go with me to communicate with other repair shops. For the rest of the afternoon I was taken around the city to different sites, taken to a repair shop that said they would need two weeks to complete the work, and most interestingly taken to an accident on the motorway to Zakopane. Elzbieta's husband Damien is a road safety and aid worker so when accidents happen he goes to help with the situation. In this time Damien also found for me a repair shop that said they could complete the job in the morning. This was a great relief but at the same time I was cautious about getting too excited because I knew the sense of time was different here in Poland. We returned to the first repair shop and it was decided that I could put up my tent in the garden of the boss's house since the car would not be ready at least until Friday. I had begun to do so when one of the employee's said there was no need for that as his children were on holiday and so I could sleep in his house which was next door to the shop. It should also be noted that at this point work had begun on the car. The front fender had been slightly bent and this was now repaired and just needed a touch of paint. I was again told that the body work would be finished by nightfall and in the morning the other place would complete the work. Damien and Elzbieta then took me back into the city to show me around the downtown area. I was really awed by the beauty of this city. The main square and surrounding area are very picturesque and the atmosphere is very relaxed. Elzbieta told me the history of many parts of the central area and some of the local legends about how different pieces came to be. I had at this point decided that I could not stress about the car. I told myself that if in the future I want to live in quiet and relaxed environment that most likely I would have to get used to things not running at the speed I have gotten used to in the United States. I was so blessed by having them show me around the city as they did and show such sincere care for my situation. I could tell that it was really important to them that I really enjoy my time in Krakow despite the circumstances. In the early part of the day I had been so confused about what was happening at the accident and about what I would do next but I prayed earnestly that God would guide me. Despite the slowness, the place I ended up for the repairs took such good care of me and sincerely acted for me to try to figure out how to get my car repaired quickly. At the end of the evening Damien and Elzbieta took me back to spend the night next door to the shop. They said they would be coming in the morning early to go with me and the car to the next repair shop. At the end of the day my car still wasn't ready as far as body work but at that point I no longer cared and was ready to sleep off a day filled with differing emotional states. I will now continue with a Part 4 because this one is getting too long.

If you did not read Part 1 this won't make sense so read that first. Well the Polish police arrived and asked for the usual documents and the usual information about what happened. It should be mentioned that one of them spoke a little English much to my joy. I was told early on that I would need to pay 200zloty on the spot for the accident which I guess is there way of making sure that tourists pay their tickets. It took them about an hour to write up the accident report and look through what I and the other driver had as documents. I do not have insurance for Poland but showed them anyway the information I had for my insurance in the United States which I don't think that they bothered to write down or note. From what they told me I have no idea what will happen now as far as whether I will get a bill from the other driver for the damage to his car or what. They simply gave an accident report to me and the other driver that does not mention insurance information and had me pay the 200zloty for the ticket. The only other thing they did for me was to call a tow truck as I knew my car was not safe to drive furthur. I waited then another 45 minutes for the tow truck to arrive. I had been told it would be just a few minutes but it was at least 45 that I waited. I am not upset about this but it is merely an idea about the speed of such things in Poland. Well myself and the tow truck driver exchanged many words which neither I nor he understood except that I agreed to go to his shop as I was somehow assured that he worked on Citroen's. I would find out later that his shop only did body work but that is a later matter. Well we set off and through Krakow and after some time I became concerned that I was being taken out to the country as the distance we traveled was quite far and to the other side of Krakow to a small village. We then started down a small dirt road before eventually reaching his shop which had a fine collection of mangled vehicles out front. This is terrible I know but I do not have time to continue this post and will have to resume later today or tomorrow with the conclusion. Know that I am well and this is far from the end of my story. Since this moment many wonderful things have happened and I am safe and well and staying in Krakow for a few days.

Much has happened since the last posts but for today something more current is on my mind and the other juicy ones will have to wait. Two days ago I arrived in Krakow late in the evening with a car that was not doing well. When I left Lithuania Tuesday I realized at the border that I had a leak in the hydraulic fluid of my car. Not thinking much of it I spent the night near the border and planned Wednesday to make the long haul to Krakow. It was not more than 550 kilometres but in Poland the roads are still less than ideal so it seems much longer. On Wednesday I set out and a few hours into the journey a light came on in the dash saying that the hydraulic fluid pressure was poor. I knew that it was leaking but drove on stubbornly thinking that this was no big problem. By the time I made it to the monstrosity that is Warsaw (sorry to those who like the city) I think most of the fluid must have leaked out because the car was no longer raising up as it should. With Citroen vehicles the hydraulic fluid system acts similarly to shock absorbers for the car and each morning when I start the car the system operates to raise the car up. That is a rather ridiculous explanation I think but I am unable to provide a better one. Anyhow in Warsaw I realized that I could not continue to drive with the fluid being low but at the same time I did not want to try to find a repair shop there because the city is horrible to drive in and my use of Polish does not extend to mechanic language. I instead bought an alternative fluid for the system at a home depot type store and drove on toward Krakow. I should have stopped in one of the smaller cities between Krakow and Warsaw but I had it in my head to get to Krakow so on I went though the car was obviously not liking the loss in fluid. I am rather ashamed now to be writing this but this is as it happened so oh well. I did reach Krakow that night about 10PM and found the place that I would return to in the morning to have it serviced. I then spent the night at a cheap hotel on the outskirts of town. Well Thursday morning then the excitement began. I must say in all of this that I had little awareness of the needs of this type of car or of the importance of the hydraulic system. When I left the hotel to head to the service station nothing seemed amiss at first other than that the car did not raise as it should. Once on the main road however I noticed that the brake was not responsive like it should have been. Before I had any opportunity to exit from the road I swerved but rear ended a car and then had to quickly pull the emergency brake before hitting a building off the side of the road. Luckily the speed I was going was very minimal as I knew that driving while the car was not raised was not easy. The other driver's car had damage only to one corner of his bumper and mine only to the left directional. I am so thankful that the situation was not worse than that. Since neither I nor he could understand one another he called the police and we waited what seemed like a half and hour for them to arrive. Before I continue I will post this as Part 1 and continue with another post because I'm not always sure the posts will go through. Read on please